Monday, June 21, 2010

To The Eight Hundred Pound Gorilla, With Love

Dear 800 LB Gorilla,

Please forgive me for being such a bad host.  I realize you've been in this room for quite some time now and I have yet to address you.

Let me start off by giving you a warm welcome.  This room may be tiny, considering your sheer enormity and my irritating insistence on bouncing around all the time, but you are always welcome here.  Mi casa es su casa! Or rather, mi cuarto es su cuarto!  (And sharing is caring, yadda yadda).

Now, you are of great importance wherein our wedding is concerned.  As of January, we booked a wonderful venue.  Perhaps you are aware of this?  Of course you are, or you would not be here!  But there you are, and here I am, sitting slightly ever too close... Pardon me, back to what I was saying?  Now, the Bear and I are really quite enamored with the venue, and our current wedding date.  Yes, I may have had my doubts, but let me assure you, we are very much sold on a Fourth of July celebration by the shore.

However, your presence is meant to indicate a bump in the road.  And it is quite a bit of a bump.  A bump, that is becoming more and more like a very large, very annoying, and quite possibly very expensive fender bender in the road to wedded bliss.  Pardon me, but if I may be frank for a moment--  I would like to know when the Bear is going to deploy fairly soon, because neither he nor I have any idea when that will be.  Or rather, all we have are ideas, not dates.  There!  I've said it.

I, for one, am extremely excited to marry the Bear.  And yes, I suppose I could say that I am not particularly tied to any one date. But, our vendors may not feel the same way, when you consider that we would have to sign contracts to work with any of them.  Oh, and of course, the most important and yet somehow 'moot point' of "oh my goodness, I can't get married to the man if he isn't present!"  Yes.  That is also extremely important.

In closing, my dear gargantuan ape friend,  please. I beseech you, go away.  And in your place, send us a little bit of knowledge, more specifically a timeline.  Because without that timeline, I'm afraid we are at a bit of an impasse, now aren't we?  And for the record, this timeline needn't match our current timeline.  Any one will do, as I am not in a rush to see the Bear deploy.  All we ask for is a little bit of information.

Again, please accept my sincerest apologies, I may have been a bit too distracted over the past few months to properly acknowledge you



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