Tuesday, June 15, 2010

One Month--

A little over a month has passed since we said goodbye to our Papou.  I wish I could find the words to express what he meant to me, and how his passing has changed my life, but I'm not there yet.  Time has passed so quickly, but it has brought me little comfort.  Maybe time would be sweeter if it didn't fixate on forward motion, but instead brought us back to the sweetest days of our lives.  If I could go back in time right now, I might wake my Papou from a nap by lightly tugging on his nose and watch as the smile of recognition grew on his face as he awoke to my giggles.  If I could go back, I might want to sit next to him as he talked about weights and measures and conversions--I'd probably be looking up the formula to convert Celsius to Fahrenheit right now...

We all know that those we love come and go in our lives.  But do we all know how to make peace with it?  Because I don't have the answer yet.  What I know, is that I miss him every day, especially in the quiet moments.  And I know that planning the celebration of our marriage isn't going to be the way I had imagined.  I knew that he was ill, and his time was short, but I still couldn't let go the hope that he would experience our wedding in some way.  But I am thankful that Papou got to meet my future husband.  They shook hands, and he wished him well.  I remember him saying goodbye to the Bear when he left America for the last time, he told Bear to "be well," and he will be.  We will be.  

I'm going to get back to the world of weddings now.  But I couldn't get back there in earnest until I acknowledged the loss of my grandfather.   He was the greatest man I have ever known. 

S'agapo poli Papouli mouPoli poli.  --Mouah 

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