Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Re: "Have You Set a Date?"

Right after Mr. M proposed, the questions started coming.  It was a little overwhelming.  And by a little, I mean--whoa.  The thrill of the proposal was nearly overshadowed by the reality the next year would bring.  So, let's join the past Lady M...

I know nothing.

Image via AllPosters.Com / Photo by Albert Eisenstaedt

I have a ring. It's a gorgeous ring: sparkly, classic, more than I could have imagined. But what's next? For most people the next steps might involve creating a budget, finding a venue, and picking a date. Except we're waiting for another date. You see, we can't plan much of anything until we know the date of his next deployment.


I know, I've been reminded more times than I would like just how hard it is to be married to someone in the military. Eh hem, for example

WELL-MEANING FRIEND #1:  "What do you mean you might be deploying in April? You said it was going to be August! What happened?" 
WELL-MEANING FRIEND #2: "HA--welcome to the military!

That joke is...funny, isn't it?  Separation is a hoot!  

Deployment isn't the only hurdle. Maintaining contact isn't always easy when he's stateside either.  Hoping that he will return from field training on a date that he was supposed to have returned, only to return a week later? Yeah, I guess the standard thing to say there is "at least he's in training, where you know he's safe." And that's absolutely right. Training is vitally important, it's what keeps him safe and sound.  I agree wholeheartedly. 100%.

But it's hard thinking about the good things to come, like planning a wedding to your best friend or a marriage for that matter, when you aren't actually in control of anything. But it's not impossible. So far, I've learned that the key is flexibility.

Once we know the date of his deployment and return, everything else will start coming together. This may mean that we get married sooner than we thought, or it could mean getting married a heck of a lot later than we want [Present Day Miss M here: 19 month engagement wins!]. Dates, and dresses, and rings, and vows are secondary to the big picture at this point. Will I get upset sometimes? Hell yes. Thankfully I have a great group of people to listen to me gripe about things that no one can change, and then, POOF--back to reality. Get over it, move on. Focus on what's important.

So, I don't know exactly what I am getting myself into as far as marrying a man in the military is concerned. Too bad, I'll have to learn it on the fly, I suppose. What I know is that whether it be in a courthouse or a church, this year or next, I get to marry the the love of my life.

To answer the question "so, have you set a date yet?"--no, not yet.

So military spouses to-be, did you have a tough time setting a date?  Did you find it hard to explain your reasoning?

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