A Love Letter to My Home Printer

Dear Printer, 

You were groomed purchased for just one purpose in this world:  to help me print the paper goods for my wedding.  You were left in the box for a few months and then carefully set up.  I tested you on occasion, to make sure you were still in good working order, and you always were.  And almost a year later, it is now the time for you to live up to your destiny.  In short, I treated you well so

WHY ARE YOU BEING SO HOSTILE?

You insist on eating my envelopes and jamming them deep into your mechanical innards, where I have to use pliers to remove them.  You skew my labels and refuse to print my addresses in the center but for one in every three envelopes (what is that, tre-cimation?).  And you only print the rare "good envelope" after you've been given an hour or more of rest?  Labor laws do not apply to home printers, dude.  I hate to break it to you. 

So in short, I'm onto you.  You have made my blood pressure rise and delayed every single paper project I have tried to work on.  But my invitations are the last straw.  

Have you ever seen "Office Space?"

Office Space Printer from Shang Xiao on Vimeo.

Of course you didn't because you were only assembled in 2010 and you don't have eyes. 

BUT watch out, Printer--your number is about to come up.

xo,

Mich

I'm Not Sure if I Should Be Offended

Hello internet and bloggie friends!  

There's something I haven't told you about myself, something that I feel I need to divulge so we can move forward in a supportive and understanding way.  So here goes.  

(source)

I am addicted to DIY.  Hopelessly addicted.  According to the Bear, I'm what you call a "hot glue gun ninja":  give me a hot glue gun and a pair of scissors and I will make whatever you need. Phew--felt good to get that off my chest.  How about you? 

My attitude is, why pay retail for something that you can easily (and affordably) make?  Apparently I'm crazy off here, because normal people don't feel the need to make everything themselves.  And when I talk about a project I'm excited to try for the first time or I talk about a failed attempt and my plans to fix it for the next time, I often get a confused look and a kindly side-eye.  The expression is typically followed by something like:

"You're making X?  Why?  Can't you just buy it?"

or 

"WHAT are you doing?  Wow, that's a lot of work."

or my very favorite

"Did you say you're making X yourself?  That must take a lot of tiiime."


Hunh...you don't say...a lot of time...

What don't people just come out and say it?  Please. Because I get the distinct feeling that you're trying to say something without really saying it. What you're trying to tell me is that I must have a lot of time on my hands to go the DIY route.  And you're right--DIY takes time and planning.  But does that mean that I'm sitting at home just looking for ways to fill my time?

Nope! Sorry.  I too have a life.  I work a full time job, I have friends, I have a family, and yes I have things I like to do. I believe in some circles those things are referred to as hobbies, or interests.  What's wrong with with that?

(Maybe people think only grannies are supposed to DIY or something)

I know, some people mean to be supportive. Maybe they're saying that I should take some time to relax and just buy things ready-made.  But again, can't they just say that?  Most of the time, I get the feeling that I belong in side show "come one, come all!  watch in wonder as the DIY-Daredevil [ha, that was the best I could do] lovingly handcrafts soy candles instead of running to the local Pottery Barn to buy them!  Come! Marvel at her lack of common sense and social life!"


Rrg...So I like to make things by hand, whenever possible or reasonable (to me). Sue me.  






DIYers, have you ever felt like people were trying to tell you something else when they "complimented" your projects?  Non-DIYers, what are your thoughts?

1-0-0

Breathe...

(source)

You know how when you got engaged like 15 months forever ago, and you felt like you had all the time in the world?  And then suddenly you check your registry--not to stalk it or anything--and you see that there are only 100 days left until your wedding?


You know, right?  Because it can't just be me.


WHERE HAVE I BEEN?!


So here I am going over the list of things to do and I'm noticing that what should a pretty short and straightforward list is really long and contains lots and lots of maybes.  Then I notice that I feel my hands start shaking and my chest gets a little tight and what the heck?  I don't even have a groom right now!  How could we be only 100 days away from our wedding?


I'm trying to relax (because you know, Frankie says. Did anyone else have one of those shirts?) and think of the good things.  The part where we are married.  The part when we celebrate no matter if I finish my table runners or not.  The part where he comes home and I can give him the biggest hug ever.  Those parts.  


And then I'm calm(ish).  But I'd be lying if I didn't say that I wish I could press fast forward right now to get to the good stuff.  

(I envy this guy right about now)

Is the countdown getting to you yet?  Do you wish you could just already get it over with sometimes?

This Wedding is Not a Game

But sometimes it certainly feels like a competition, doesn't it?

(source)

For the past 13 months, I've floated along on a cloud of naivety.  "Bridal La La Land," if you will.  I called vendors well in advance, they were available. La la laa...no problem.  


But last week I came face to face with the reality that I am not the only person getting married on my wedding day. Let me rephrase that: I am sharing my wedding day with three other brides  and we've all blocked rooms at the same hotel.
  

(source)

I would be lying to you if I didn't admit that a knot formed in my stomach the moment the I got the news.  Every time I tried to talk, my throat tightened and I could hear the pitch of my voice rising with every attempt I made to speak.  The feeling of panic began to sink in.  


There are other brides looking for the same vendors, on the same day, at the same time as me?!  Oh no.  This can't happen.

(source)

Suddenly, I feel like there's a race to get everything booked before someone else books my vendors.  It's already started, a couple vendors I've called have been booked by other brides.  Meanwhile, my inner competitor has just laced up and is stretching.  


LET THE GAMES BEGIN.  




Who knew wedding planning was a competitive sport?  Did/do you feel competitive with other brides when it comes to booking your vendors?

Calling June Cleaver!

After a long day of work last night, I stopped off at the grocery store to stock up for the week.  And this is exactly what I bought:

- 6 bags of frozen vegetable steamer packs

- 2 packs of pre-made chocolate protein shakes

- 5 boxes of organic prepared soup, boxed (because I have an aversion to soup of the canned persuasion)

- 1 bunch of bananas

- 1 large bottle of Belgian beer 

And that's it. 

(source)

A domestic goddess I am not.  

What did I do when I got home?  I popped one of those bags into the microwave and waited.  After 30 seconds I decided a potato was a necessary addition to meal.  So I scrubbed one up and got it ready to "bake" (aka poke 50 holes and nuke in the microwave à la college cuisine).  YUM.  And as I stabbed my delicious potato into oblivion, I heard the voice of my grandmother in the back of my mind say "and what is your husband going to eat?"

And then, for a brief second I panicked.  Oh my God, I'm going to be bad wife.

I find myself stuck between the old world and my modern existence.  To be fair, my mom raised me stand on my own two feet and taught me that I could be whatever I want when I grew up.  But, there was that conflicting message that came from the old country and every once in a (long) while, I hear the voices of the old guard.  "When are you going to learn to cook for your husband?  Who is going to teach your kids to clean, if you don't?"  

You get the point.  

So now, here I am, running head first into my late twenties and facing marriage.  And that voice is back, but I'm not listening. 

I don't cook.  At least not every day.  And I don't plan on it.  I clean when I need to, and I try to keep things neat.  But I will never befriend a bottle of bleach, mark my words. 

(source)

My phone rang just as I started to panic and it was the Bear.  His timing was perfect. So I let him have it, "oh my God, I'm going to suck as a wife. You're going to hate me because all I have to eat right now is steamed veggies and that's all I ever keep around except for wine and pasta. What are you going to eat?!"


And then he laughed at me (a lot), and asked me if I was nuts.  His response was "I like to cook.  Why are you worrying about this?  You like to cook with me, and if you don't want to help you don't have to.  And we can go to the grocery store together, so we both have stuff we want to eat."


I love that man.  Yes, he is a far better cook than me and he enjoys it.  Me?  I make a mean cocktail and decent baked goods.  And that's just fine for us.  


In the end, I was getting ahead of myself and letting these old school ideas of what a wife should be scare me into a whirlwind of doubt instead of being okay with the kind of wife I will be. Nothing needs to change about me, he knows what he's getting himself into.  


Phew...Irrational crisis averted. 



Anyone else find themselves worrying about what your life will be like after the wedding?  Even if it doesn't make much sense?

Feeling the Distance - Part One

With less than six months to go, I've finally decided it's time to get real and come clean.  

(source)

I'm having trouble feeling excited about our wedding.  


So far every single decision I've made since he left has been torture.  Every. Single. Decision.  When he was here I booked our dream venue, I booked our engagement session,  booked an amazing photographer, I sketched out my wedding dress--I was on cloud nine!  And then he left.  And I stopped caring so much.  


At first I thought I just needed time to adjust to his absence.  But once I adjusted, I came to realize that it had nothing to do with that.  


First, I hate the idea of planning this big, happy, lavish event right now.  I actually feel pretty guilty about it.  He's far far away from my little world of wedding planning.  And as much as he tells me that he's fine, it doesn't change the fact that he's technically living in a war zone.  So when I am faced with a decision about the wedding, like my dress for example, I have trouble focusing on it and tackling the issue because it doesn't feel as important to me.  

(source)

He's my partner in crime, he's the one I turn to when I need reassurance.  I know that he always has my back and wants me to be happy.  And when you're planning a wedding on your own, you need more than a long distance cheerleader, you need a full on, in your face squad.  And the only way to really get that, is to speak up.  But I don't speak up, because I don't want to seem weak or needy.  Sometimes I don't feel like explaining that something is difficult because it makes that thing, whatever it is, that much harder.

(source)

  


It's not much fun to talk about the wedding when you don't have much time to talk about anything.  This blog is my way of keeping the Bear in touch, but for the past few months he hasn't been able to read much of it.  I suppose he doesn't need to read a blog about our wedding to understand what's going on but have you ever tried to describe elements of your wedding to someone outside the wedding blogosphere?  How about explaining wedding related things to your fiance, in person?  Now put him on the phone, thousands of miles away, and shorten your entire conversation to about fifteen minutes. Of all the things I have to  talk about, our wedding and how I feel about it, takes a backseat.

(source)

When your date is set and yet somehow still a little up in the air, it's hard to get excited about the wedding countdown.  This is our year!  July is our month--fingers crossed!  All the uncertainty makes me a little hesitant to get excited.  First I told myself I'd get really excited when we hit 2011.  Then I decided I would get excited once Spring rolls around. Or maybe I'll be really excited when he gets back?


Some would say that I'm really lucky, and most days I would agree.   But on my off days (and today is an off day) I realize that I'm not enjoying this as much as I could and it hurts.  I try to stop myself and look at every positive that is going to come to me very soon.  Sometimes, all I need is a glass of wine, some friends, and reality TV.  Sometimes, I write about it.  Whatever it takes, right?




Have you planned a wedding while your partner was far away?  Need to vent?  Let it out in the comments.

ROCKED -- Wedding Dress Failure, Left and Right

**Miss M here!  This is the story of my first dress shopping horror experience.  I sat down and wrote this post as soon as I got home from my dress shopping excursion, and this is what I had to say. Warning, it's long and it's not all that nice. So if you're easily offended by anything, move along...**

Image via Collider.com

My ears are ringing right now.  I am sitting here, slightly nauseous and mostly sad.  I feel like I was put to the test today in a big way.  And how did I do?  Fail.  Fail, fail, FAIL. 

I went dress shopping today.  And I can't decide if I need to cry, or just turn back the hands of time, and rip someone a new a**hole (verbally, that is).

I think I may have tried on nearly 20 dresses today.  Who knows how many women before me tried those sample dresses on--I am now stewing in the germs of all those faceless women.  Barf.  

Also, that diet I've been sticking to?  Didn't feel like it was enough today.  Although nothing seems to be enough for some of these dresses. Here's a great example, today my favorite consultant informed me that one of the dresses I hated was too slinky even for size zero women as even they are advised to wear Spanx under the gown.  What the hell am I supposed to do with that information!?  Give up?  Start looking for a nice bridal pair of blue jeans?  Elegant wedding muumuu? There is plenty of room in them, no Spanx needed!  Pretty too.

Image via Classic Hawaiian Products

Until today I was under the impression that it's not normal, outside of models and nudists, to stand around naked with strangers.  Well, I was wrong.  Because my mom, sister, friend, and three consultants got a show today.   All in the name of finding a wedding dress!  It was totally fine for them, but wasn't fine for me. I should have said something but I didn't want to make the situation more awkward.

You know, I didn't look in the mirror at myself while I tried to squeeze my kulo into the dresses, and that's MY KULO!  There was this one dress that was really hard to pull up over my hips, and I could just picture how awful it must have looked from the consultant's perspective--I pulled the plug on that one as soon as I visualized what I must have looked like from behind. 

Watching episodes of Say Yes to the Dress, and even attending a few shopping excursions for wedding gowns has not, in fact, prepared me for the shopping experience.  So far, I felt like none one cared that I was shopping for a wedding dress.  No one cares if you need to try on more dresses.  No one cares if this time is special for you.  They just don't.  On any given day, there are fifteen other women in their store, that are just like you.  You're not special.  And they'll let you know it, one way or another. More on this later.

(quick, gimme something fried)

And just when I was feeling really down,  the world decided to kick me in the face.  I looked down at my phone and saw that I'd missed a call from Mr. M!  I fought back the tears and resisted the urge to throw my phone into the street.  We went to grab lunch and then, SMACK, the last jab of the day.  Just as I was refilling my salad toppings for lunch, I was reproached (rudely) by an employee--

"You know...you're really not supposed to refill that." 


Well you know what?! Here's my salad.  In your eye! BOOM. 

Okay.  I didn't say that.  I kept filling up on veggies and told her that refills are cool at the location I regular.  She looked at me incredulously and said, "really? they are?"  They are--swear.  And you know what?  After a long day of feeling like crap about dresses, I had some snarky chick tell me to ease up on my salad toppings.  I let that get to me too--in my mind, she called me out for overeating.  The reality was, she was just doing her job, albeit she could have done without the snark. Who knows? Maybe we were both having a crummy day. 

I had to let that out.   Still not crying.  But I am not looking forward to finding a dress anymore.  And seriously, my ears are still ringing.      

Taking Comments, Folks! All day...

I got another comment about our separation.  I need to say first and foremost that I understand that those that ask how I am doing or how the Bear is doing, generally mean well.  And furthermore, everyone reacts differently to each and every situation.   Not everyone will see things as I do.  BUT--

Telling me that I have "signed up for it," is not an acceptable reaction and I don't want to hear it!

Maybe I'm not making sense.  The blood has rushed to my head, and I'm trying to slow my brain down, so my fingers can catch up.  How about an example?

Well-Meaning-Friend: "Hey Mich, I heard that the Bear has deployed.  Is everything okay?"


Me: "Yeah, everything is okay.  I mean it's tough, but it will be alright."


WMF:  "Well, you better get used to it.  You guys signed up for it."

It's like comforting me with a blanket made of barbed wire.   It's like asking someone how they are doing, but not actually wanting to know.  Look, I'm not sitting at home or at work or anywhere else crying my eyes out.  My life hasn't stopped.  But dammit, it's not the easiest thing I've ever gone through, and I won't apologize for it.  I don't go into detail with strangers, or honestly with anyone right now, but a general statement like "I'm doing alright even though it's not easy" or something to that effect doesn't warrant an I told you so.  It's not an emotional outburst.  It's not a weakness.   It is exactly what I said it is: okay with a dash of difficulty.

For the record, I don't believe either one of us signed up for this.  I never imagined that the Bear was meant to be my partner.  I never believed I would ever marry anyone, let alone marry someone who for all intents and purposes is my opposite.  And as far as Bear was concerned, he thought was going to be a lifelong bachelor and career soldier.  Neither one of us expected our relationship.  Neither one of us would trade it for anything at this point, so we make it work.  But it wouldn't be fair to say that we signed up for this.  There was no "we" involved in the signing up for this deck of cards, but there is a "we" living it now.  And guess what, sometimes being a "we" going through this is hard.

And from what I gather, it doesn't get easier.  I can't fathom a day in the future when I will forget to say goodbye to my husband before he deploys because I've just become so used to it.  What I can imagine is that I'll get better at coping with it.  The comments will bother me less.  Perhaps the time will go by faster.  My friends and family will know the routine as well I as I will. 

The point is, if you don't want to know, don't ask.  I'm not crumbling or falling apart at the seams.  I promise I won't burst into tears or whatever else people may think.  But for sake of empathy, just don't tell me to get over it, get used it, or accept the life that I "signed up for."  If your intention is to comfort a friend you are way off.

Thank you, honestly, thank you for caring, thank you for asking.  We're doing fine.  Soon enough, he'll be home and we'll be getting married!  Just as soon as we get through this suckfest (kidding, sort of).

Love,
Mich

It's Not You, It's Me

Image via Newyorkista.com / Cartoon by Carolita Johnson

So how do you tell a vendor that you've decided to go with someone else?  The obvious answer is to be honest and polite.  But like it or not, honesty isn't always polite.  Especially when you're on the receiving end. I am just starting to reach out to vendors and I will have to approach this carefully time and time again, won't I?
Usually a polite, "thank you for your time, we've decided to go with someone else," should suffice.  Unless a rejected vendor asks for a reason why you rejected them. 


It happened to me the other day, and I have yet to respond.  It's a fair question.   The email deserves my time and attention, and I need to approach my answer tactfully.  I understand why someone would want a reason why they were rejected but how do I word it?  What I want to say is "I really liked your work, that's why I reached out to you.  But I had a feeling about the vendor I chose.  So I went with my gut."  But, if she's looking for critique, that won't be helpful now, will it?   Huh? Some girl got some heartburn or somethin' and that's why she didn't choose me?  


But I guess that's what it's going to have to come down to.  If talent, creativity, and price are all similar.  What else would I have to go with?  I went with the one who I had a good feeling about--is that wrong?




Was it hard to turn vendors down?  Were you ever asked to explain why you chose one vendor over the other?

Grin and Bear It

 (Source)

There are about five posts I've started and left undone.  Ideas and inspirations will come to me and I get so excited to write about them, only to get nervous about the topic.  Nervous.  A little timid maybe?  

No, it goes beyond a little shyness and heads straight to fear of being judged.  I know I might not fit in with every single person I meet.  And I know that no matter how badly I want to be accepted by the folks I often find myself surrounded with, it ain't gonna happen.  Not completely.  

It's a fact that people out there (and by out there I suppose I mean people in general) have a tendency to judge.  We all have our own opinions of how things should be done.  Nowhere is this more apparent than wedding planning.  "Why is your wedding so far away?  What the heck are engagement pictures for?  Do you really like French on invitations?"

Hmm... The wedding is so far away because we found a place we love and can afford.  Engagement pics are for looking at, like so, so many wedding-related things.  And yes, I am a Franco-phile, and a logophile (big words that mean "I'm a nerd")--did you know that R.S.V.P stands for réspondez s’il vous plait ?  So technically, everyone's used French on their invites at some point or another.  It's doesn't matter whether or not they are a silly, loudmouth, quasi-Liberal gal like myself who happens to like the idea of using a complete phrase instead of an abbreviation.  So there.  

This isn't an attack on anyone in particular.  I think I've just climbed inside my own thoughts and insecurities.  I think I've also been to enough weddings to hear the criticisms.  It's going to happen.  So long as I don't hear about it, everything will be fine.  Even if I hear it, it's still fine.  Clench-my-jaw-take-a-deep-breath-breathe-breathe, fine.

Phew.  That felt good.  Now back to the pretty things. 

Been There, Done That, Got the Goody Bag

(Not from bridal show)

And by "goody bag" I mean a bag stuffed to the brim with fliers for vendors I will not call. Oh, and a bridal magazine that I already own. Oh and did I mention that the nice lady at the registration desk looked pretty insulted when I told her that I didn't need the magazine? Yes, ma'am, I am trying to be part of the solution. There are trees being cut down to make these bridal magazines, and while they are often helpful to brides like myself, they are in fact made of TREES. And I already have one, OK?!

Ah, the bridal expo. No, not any bridal expo. The local bridal expo...hmm. The bridal gauntlet, if you will. Survive and you get a slice of cake. Mmm cake. The cake was delicious. The rest? I guess the polite thing to say is that it wasn't for me. But there was so much more than that.

My first mistake was that I went alone. The second mistake was that I greatly overestimated the variety of vendors that would make an appearance. Apparently there was only room for one of each vendor. One florist, one limo company (complete with stretch hummer equipped with flashing lights. shudder), one photographer--you get the point. There was absolutely no variety, and from what I saw, the wedding we want, is nothing like the wedding they like to produce. Third mistake: I told them when I was getting married. The minute they heard July 2011 the conversation was over. Over! There was this one lovely woman who actually frowned at me. What's that? Do I have something on my face? Do I smell bad? What it is woman?!

I understand that they are in the wedding business and I am not. But does getting a head start and meeting vendors early make me a waste of time? Oh it does? Well, thanks but I'm gonna take this piece of cake (and the bakery's business card) and head home, thanks. Mmbye.

So I survived the only bridal expo I ever plan on attending, ever. Lesson learned.

Oh and another valuable lesson learned--don't give your real email address. I thought I used my junk mail address (sendspamhere@Idon'tcheckthisaccount.com) on everything, but I must have missed something. I'm still getting emails from vendors I never even saw at the show! Emails like "sorry we didn't have a chance to finish our conversation and talk about pricing, but call us." Rrg.