Taking Comments, Folks! All day...

I got another comment about our separation.  I need to say first and foremost that I understand that those that ask how I am doing or how the Bear is doing, generally mean well.  And furthermore, everyone reacts differently to each and every situation.   Not everyone will see things as I do.  BUT--

Telling me that I have "signed up for it," is not an acceptable reaction and I don't want to hear it!

Maybe I'm not making sense.  The blood has rushed to my head, and I'm trying to slow my brain down, so my fingers can catch up.  How about an example?

Well-Meaning-Friend: "Hey Mich, I heard that the Bear has deployed.  Is everything okay?"


Me: "Yeah, everything is okay.  I mean it's tough, but it will be alright."


WMF:  "Well, you better get used to it.  You guys signed up for it."

It's like comforting me with a blanket made of barbed wire.   It's like asking someone how they are doing, but not actually wanting to know.  Look, I'm not sitting at home or at work or anywhere else crying my eyes out.  My life hasn't stopped.  But dammit, it's not the easiest thing I've ever gone through, and I won't apologize for it.  I don't go into detail with strangers, or honestly with anyone right now, but a general statement like "I'm doing alright even though it's not easy" or something to that effect doesn't warrant an I told you so.  It's not an emotional outburst.  It's not a weakness.   It is exactly what I said it is: okay with a dash of difficulty.

For the record, I don't believe either one of us signed up for this.  I never imagined that the Bear was meant to be my partner.  I never believed I would ever marry anyone, let alone marry someone who for all intents and purposes is my opposite.  And as far as Bear was concerned, he thought was going to be a lifelong bachelor and career soldier.  Neither one of us expected our relationship.  Neither one of us would trade it for anything at this point, so we make it work.  But it wouldn't be fair to say that we signed up for this.  There was no "we" involved in the signing up for this deck of cards, but there is a "we" living it now.  And guess what, sometimes being a "we" going through this is hard.

And from what I gather, it doesn't get easier.  I can't fathom a day in the future when I will forget to say goodbye to my husband before he deploys because I've just become so used to it.  What I can imagine is that I'll get better at coping with it.  The comments will bother me less.  Perhaps the time will go by faster.  My friends and family will know the routine as well I as I will. 

The point is, if you don't want to know, don't ask.  I'm not crumbling or falling apart at the seams.  I promise I won't burst into tears or whatever else people may think.  But for sake of empathy, just don't tell me to get over it, get used it, or accept the life that I "signed up for."  If your intention is to comfort a friend you are way off.

Thank you, honestly, thank you for caring, thank you for asking.  We're doing fine.  Soon enough, he'll be home and we'll be getting married!  Just as soon as we get through this suckfest (kidding, sort of).

Love,
Mich

(Rewind) Happy Fourth: The Countdown Begins

The Fourth of July is my favorite holiday.  Every year, I get excited to hang around with friends, refreshing drink in hand, sandals on my feet, reveling in the dog days of Summer.   Happy birthday America, indeed.

This "Fourth" was more than the quintessential Summer Independence day gathering for us.  The Fourth of July weekend began the countdown to our wedding.  We are officially a year away from our own festivities--holy moly!  People will actually take me seriously when I tell them the date!  (Because when you tell someone your wedding is in July 2011 when 2010 has just started, they seem to think that everything is hypothetical.  And to some extent it is.) It was our pre-anniversary, or something along those lines.  

Much more important than our countdown, this Independence Day weekend was part of our goodbye.  We were really fortunate to be able to spend such a special time together.  Chances are, that weekend was the last holiday we will spend with each other for a while. We stood in downtown Wilmington, our eyes facing the sky, enjoying the fireworks display together.  And I think it was then that we started to feel the weight of that moment. My eyes welled up for a second as I nearly let my emotions take over.  Yes there was sadness.  But there was also pride in the Bear; he's doing what he loves and what he feels is his duty.  And then I was overjoyed to celebrate with my love.   So I tried to soak every part of it in, and maybe another time, I'll bore you with the details. 

A little less than a year to go now.  Hoping, praying, and generally willing that we'll be together for the next Fourth of July, and for our wedding. 

All photos are personal, unless otherwise noted. 

Falling in Love Again

The moment we laid eyes on our venue, we knew it was the place.  And then, we took our eyes, hopped into the car, and went back to our everyday lives.  Time passed, and instead of thinking about how wonderful our reception venue was, I was thinking about how much of a splurge it would be.  And then I thought about how far it was from our hometown.  Wouldn't it be great to have our friends visit our hometown?  Hang out at the same bars we've hung out in?  Eat in some of our favorite places?  

And, then I thought, "what about West Point?  It's a meaningful place for him.  And it's not that far from our home town.  What if we held our wedding there?"

So I sent out a couple emails. Then I sent out some more.  I spent days and days sitting in front of the computer screen, looking for locations that were off the beaten path.  And I found a few contenders.  My head was spinning by this point, and I came clean to the Bear.  He reminded me to take a breath, and he told me no.  He said he loved Saltwater Farm, and he said that I loved Saltwater Farm--relax.  

And a few (long) weeks later, we hopped back into the car and took a drive to Stonington, Connecticut to take a look around. 

Here is the church I wrote about earlier.  It's as "classic New England" as it gets. 

 

 

Here it is from another angle. The trees made it really hard to get a good shot of the whole thing.

This is the downtown/shopping district of the town.  

And look at these gorgeous, historic homes!

I loved the beautiful architectural details, especially the entryways. 

Here's what looks to be a yummy restaurant that sits right on the water.

We ventured past the restaurant and headed through the marina. 

And we found a little path, and the Bear led the way.  

We walked down the street, hand in hand, enjoying the day and taking in the beauty and charm of Stonington.  And when we were satisfied that we'd found the right place to share with our family and friends, we got in the car a drove to the vineyard to catch another glimpse.


Look, new sign! 

And there it is.  We didn't drive down the (newly paved) road, because from the looks of it, someone was setting up for their wedding.  So we kept our distance, and stayed out of their way. 

And when all was said and done, we were happy and hungry.  Thankfully we found a roadside stand that is steps away from the hotel.  What kind of people would we be if we didn't taste the food for our guests? 

Thumbs up!

Breathe Deep

There's a ton of different thoughts running through my head right now.  It's one thing to keep your chin up, and throw yourself into a project, and it's another to sit, be silent, and face your anxiety.  I've had a thing for Singer-Songwriters for as far back as I can remember.  And I've been a closet fan of Jason Mraz.  And then, the other day, with my iPod on shuffle, this song came on.  Call it kismet.  But as I listened to the lyrics, I came to realize that it may have to be played again and again, when things are all too quiet and I'm feeling on edge.  I took a deep breath and let it go for a moment. Just wanted to share.   It may not apply to your life and experiences, but at the very least it's a beautiful song. 


Details in the Fabric
By Jason Mraz, James Morrison


Calm down
Deep breaths
And get yourself dressed instead
Of running around
And pulling all your threads saying
Breaking yourself up

If it's a broken part, replace it
But, if it's a broken arm then brace it
If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your own name
And go your own way

And everything will be fine
Everything will be fine
Mmmhmm

Hang on
Help is on the way
Stay strong
I'm doing everything

Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way
Hold your own
Know your name
And go your own way

And everything, everything will be fine
Everything

Are the details in the fabric
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling?

Are the things that make you blow
Hell, no reason, go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault
Of faulty manufacturing.

Yeah everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Everything

Hold your own
And know your name
And go your own way

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic
Are your thoughts results of static cling? (Go your own way)

Are the details in the fabric (Hold your own, know your name)
Are the things that make you panic (Go your own way)
Is it Mother Nature's sewing machine?

Are the things that make you blow (Hold your own, know your name)
Hell no reason go on and scream
If you're shocked it's just the fault (Go your own way)
Of faulty manufacturing

Everything will be fine
Everything in no time at all
Hearts will hold 






Miss you much.

Happy Friday! Roadtrip to Rhodie!

It's incredible to think that we are on our way to celebrate my Cuz in Newport this weekend!  It seemed to long ago, that we started working on the details for this little trip.  I can not wait to have a great time with some amazing people, all for my Cuz.

Have a great weekend!  Starting Monday, I'm back in action with some projects.  Until then we're on our way to get:

 *Personal image (please contact for permission to use)